My Kitchen is Now Closed

Kitchen is CLOSED
Category: Life

The kitchen is now closed. For a year or more I have been making and caring for a pot of stew. Yes, the SAME pot.
The ingredients are vile to a child of God...poison to the spirit. I had thought that other people had put these things in the pot but I can see now that it was me, alone.
I shopped for, chose and purchased the very ingredients that would harm me from the start. Just handling them is toxic let alone bringing them into my home and eating them.
I kept the flame high as I simmered this stew. I would add things to it for appearance and for taste. Sometimes I could walk away and forget about it for a time...days. Other times I would have a taste test several times a day and then every once in while...ladle a big bowl for myself and sit down alone at the table and savor every last bite. Poisoning myself.
The recipe is common knowledge. It can appear to be easy to make but really it takes an enormous amount of effort to purchase, prepare and maintain this stew. I have seen some pots of stew as old as 25 years. Here is goes... Bitter onion, rancid meat of unforgiveness, heaping spoonfuls of offense, chopped up self righteousness, sliced betrayal, sprinkled with gossip. Let stew for a while then add hatred, strife, denial of responsibility and unbelief. Self loathing will be added next with worthlessness and anger to follow. Stir often. Often. Often. Taste test till you make yourself sick.
Easy recipe? Might think that when you are in the thick of it. Might feel justified. Might feel vindicated. Might feel like you deserve it.
But one day you will serve yourself a big bowl of it. Settle down in your favorite chair with a big spoon. Then you make a mistake...you give thanks for what you are about to partake. God sits down beside you. Opens your eyes. The stew that you have been caring for all this time makes you nauseous. He begins to show you what you have done. The faces of the people who you have hurt. He shows you your thoughts...your very heart. You at first deny everything. Pointing fingers. Placing blame. You know what He wants you to do. Dump it all out. All of it. "But it cost so much"...you tell him..."can't I freeze some for later?" "Dump it all out"...He says. "I know the price." Then He opens his hands. You see his scars. Reminds you He is your father and they are you brothers and sisters. You begin to be sick and run to the sink and begin to pour the stew down the garbage disposal. It clogs and chokes. You run the water. Then you fall on your face and repent and ask.."How do I repair this?" he answers "The conversation starts with...I am sorry please forgive me.".