I have the hardest time being 'still'. My mind is always in some type of motion which at times causes great distress on my body. Worrying seems to be the topic of this pounding in my head. It annoys me. Some days I have an abundance of faith in who our provider is...that everything is going to be fine...and I can actually rest in some sort of peace. But lately I have been in panic mode.
My husband has had some cutbacks in his job with the county. The first 'go around' we shaved things out of our budget and carried on. But this last assault on our finances has left us scrambling. What else can we cut out? Do we get rid of my car? I'm working hard with sewing and my jewelry designs and while that does bring money in...it's not weekly. I applied for a job which I was HIGHLY qualified for and was rejected. So my mind begins to whirl....maybe it just wasn't right for me....or they didn't like me...blah...blah...blah...I am trying to fix this. Maybe the key would is 'I'. I want to make the ends meet. But there may be another way of provision that I am not seeing because I am too busy freaking out.
I don't know how to 'be still' to 'just breathe'. So I decided to take inventory. In my freaked out state I became unthankful for what has been given to me and instead focused on the the breach and how I was going to fill it...I need to purpose myself to be thankful in all things and in this know that God doesn't need my help but wants me to be obedient...including to "Be still and KNOW that I am God." I don't use the term as a band-aid...that will be painfully yanked off before it's time...but rather desire with all that is in me to make it a lifestyle. To always know that He has my back. He cares about the bills, the rising gas costs, the groceries and the mortgage. If I shut up long enough I may be able to hear His quiet roar on our behalf.
Keep looking into His face. That is the only thing I can do right now. I can't fix things but I can look deeply and purposefully into His face. Recently I asked Him if I could see the future. He did not show me anything specific, but I do continue to feel the urgent message to do every He tells me to do. Follow my urging to buy blankets and learn about sustainable living and get books for all different things- how to build a spring, how to care for chickens, etc. I see people all around me having weird unction’s. I think the enemy would like us all to get caught up in the moment and miss the bigger picture of what God is doing right now. It is so big...Follow your unctions, look deeply into His face and do what He says! That's my ten cents worth.
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