I have the hardest time being 'still'. My mind is always in some type of motion which at times causes great distress on my body. Worrying seems to be the topic of this pounding in my head. It annoys me. Some days I have an abundance of faith in who our provider is...that everything is going to be fine...and I can actually rest in some sort of peace. But lately I have been in panic mode.
My husband has had some cutbacks in his job with the county. The first 'go around' we shaved things out of our budget and carried on. But this last assault on our finances has left us scrambling. What else can we cut out? Do we get rid of my car? I'm working hard with sewing and my jewelry designs and while that does bring money in...it's not weekly. I applied for a job which I was HIGHLY qualified for and was rejected. So my mind begins to whirl....maybe it just wasn't right for me....or they didn't like me...blah...blah...blah...I am trying to fix this. Maybe the key would is 'I'. I want to make the ends meet. But there may be another way of provision that I am not seeing because I am too busy freaking out.
I don't know how to 'be still' to 'just breathe'. So I decided to take inventory. In my freaked out state I became unthankful for what has been given to me and instead focused on the the breach and how I was going to fill it...I need to purpose myself to be thankful in all things and in this know that God doesn't need my help but wants me to be obedient...including to "Be still and KNOW that I am God." I don't use the term as a band-aid...that will be painfully yanked off before it's time...but rather desire with all that is in me to make it a lifestyle. To always know that He has my back. He cares about the bills, the rising gas costs, the groceries and the mortgage. If I shut up long enough I may be able to hear His quiet roar on our behalf.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
To Snub or Not to Snub...
I've been making jewelry for several years now but not until recently did I notice a snobbery among the artists. I had begun to feel like that little girl on the playground with no friends to play with. Maybe I just haven't 'gotton there' yet with my style and abilities...but I know this isn't the case and do I really want to be 'like' them? Or do I want to be myself...the way I am created to create? After all isn't art all about our own take on things? Our own impressions of the world around us and how we create what we see?
I like what I create...better yet...I love what I create. I have so much fun while I do what I do. I dream about it, I hammer it out, torch it, solder it, polish it, resin it, drill it, saw it, punch it....and the end result... I sell it! Maybe I get too focused on those who have their noses in the air and I need to look at it differently. The hundreds who buy my work are more important than the ones who can't see past themselves.
I recently joined Redding Handmade and it has proven to be an encouraging decision for me. I am accepted there. I learn so much and have found that I have helped others to learn, too. There are artists in all kinds of areas as well as skill levels and yet there is a real sense of community among them.
I love to share ideas for new designs and to share resources...and have found that this group is of the same mind. It's not about territory. It's about helping each other excel in our businesses. We want the best for each other and rejoice when one rejoices...I needed that.
I like what I create...better yet...I love what I create. I have so much fun while I do what I do. I dream about it, I hammer it out, torch it, solder it, polish it, resin it, drill it, saw it, punch it....and the end result... I sell it! Maybe I get too focused on those who have their noses in the air and I need to look at it differently. The hundreds who buy my work are more important than the ones who can't see past themselves.
I recently joined Redding Handmade and it has proven to be an encouraging decision for me. I am accepted there. I learn so much and have found that I have helped others to learn, too. There are artists in all kinds of areas as well as skill levels and yet there is a real sense of community among them.
I love to share ideas for new designs and to share resources...and have found that this group is of the same mind. It's not about territory. It's about helping each other excel in our businesses. We want the best for each other and rejoice when one rejoices...I needed that.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
My Kitchen is Now Closed
Kitchen is CLOSED
Category: Life
The kitchen is now closed. For a year or more I have been making and caring for a pot of stew. Yes, the SAME pot.
The ingredients are vile to a child of God...poison to the spirit. I had thought that other people had put these things in the pot but I can see now that it was me, alone.
I shopped for, chose and purchased the very ingredients that would harm me from the start. Just handling them is toxic let alone bringing them into my home and eating them.
I kept the flame high as I simmered this stew. I would add things to it for appearance and for taste. Sometimes I could walk away and forget about it for a time...days. Other times I would have a taste test several times a day and then every once in while...ladle a big bowl for myself and sit down alone at the table and savor every last bite. Poisoning myself.
The recipe is common knowledge. It can appear to be easy to make but really it takes an enormous amount of effort to purchase, prepare and maintain this stew. I have seen some pots of stew as old as 25 years. Here is goes... Bitter onion, rancid meat of unforgiveness, heaping spoonfuls of offense, chopped up self righteousness, sliced betrayal, sprinkled with gossip. Let stew for a while then add hatred, strife, denial of responsibility and unbelief. Self loathing will be added next with worthlessness and anger to follow. Stir often. Often. Often. Taste test till you make yourself sick.
Easy recipe? Might think that when you are in the thick of it. Might feel justified. Might feel vindicated. Might feel like you deserve it.
But one day you will serve yourself a big bowl of it. Settle down in your favorite chair with a big spoon. Then you make a mistake...you give thanks for what you are about to partake. God sits down beside you. Opens your eyes. The stew that you have been caring for all this time makes you nauseous. He begins to show you what you have done. The faces of the people who you have hurt. He shows you your thoughts...your very heart. You at first deny everything. Pointing fingers. Placing blame. You know what He wants you to do. Dump it all out. All of it. "But it cost so much"...you tell him..."can't I freeze some for later?" "Dump it all out"...He says. "I know the price." Then He opens his hands. You see his scars. Reminds you He is your father and they are you brothers and sisters. You begin to be sick and run to the sink and begin to pour the stew down the garbage disposal. It clogs and chokes. You run the water. Then you fall on your face and repent and ask.."How do I repair this?" he answers "The conversation starts with...I am sorry please forgive me.".
Category: Life
The kitchen is now closed. For a year or more I have been making and caring for a pot of stew. Yes, the SAME pot.
The ingredients are vile to a child of God...poison to the spirit. I had thought that other people had put these things in the pot but I can see now that it was me, alone.
I shopped for, chose and purchased the very ingredients that would harm me from the start. Just handling them is toxic let alone bringing them into my home and eating them.
I kept the flame high as I simmered this stew. I would add things to it for appearance and for taste. Sometimes I could walk away and forget about it for a time...days. Other times I would have a taste test several times a day and then every once in while...ladle a big bowl for myself and sit down alone at the table and savor every last bite. Poisoning myself.
The recipe is common knowledge. It can appear to be easy to make but really it takes an enormous amount of effort to purchase, prepare and maintain this stew. I have seen some pots of stew as old as 25 years. Here is goes... Bitter onion, rancid meat of unforgiveness, heaping spoonfuls of offense, chopped up self righteousness, sliced betrayal, sprinkled with gossip. Let stew for a while then add hatred, strife, denial of responsibility and unbelief. Self loathing will be added next with worthlessness and anger to follow. Stir often. Often. Often. Taste test till you make yourself sick.
Easy recipe? Might think that when you are in the thick of it. Might feel justified. Might feel vindicated. Might feel like you deserve it.
But one day you will serve yourself a big bowl of it. Settle down in your favorite chair with a big spoon. Then you make a mistake...you give thanks for what you are about to partake. God sits down beside you. Opens your eyes. The stew that you have been caring for all this time makes you nauseous. He begins to show you what you have done. The faces of the people who you have hurt. He shows you your thoughts...your very heart. You at first deny everything. Pointing fingers. Placing blame. You know what He wants you to do. Dump it all out. All of it. "But it cost so much"...you tell him..."can't I freeze some for later?" "Dump it all out"...He says. "I know the price." Then He opens his hands. You see his scars. Reminds you He is your father and they are you brothers and sisters. You begin to be sick and run to the sink and begin to pour the stew down the garbage disposal. It clogs and chokes. You run the water. Then you fall on your face and repent and ask.."How do I repair this?" he answers "The conversation starts with...I am sorry please forgive me.".
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